What the hell was Tuatara thinking?

The past week should have been a very good one for Tuatara Brewery. They won a swag of medals and trophies at the Brewers Guild of New Zealand awards, took out Champion Brewery, and no doubt celebrated like champs on the night. All this after a tough period during which someone they contract brewed for called them out (in a polite way) for their brewing practices.

Unfortunately, those happy, happy days did not last. In fact, it all went a bit crap. The positive media stories and social media attention soon flipped, and they were trying to cure a headache far different from the ones staff members possibly had the morning after the awards. And while the causes of said headache are different from each other, they are also very closely related.

Firstly, everyone I talked to after the awards was wondering the same thing – what the hell are these beers Tuatara won all these awards for? I had never seen Mot Eureka, Weiz Guy or kAPAi anywhere, and neither had anyone else. Beertown.nz overlord Martin Craig’s calculated guess, at them being new names for old beers, was confirmed by Tuatara a day later. In the next few weeks you will see a refresh of Tuatara’s brand – the same branding the company has used since I was serving its range in a restaurant a decade ago is going.

I am all for rebrands. Townshend’s label update was desperately needed, while the recent changes on Emerson’s bottles and tap badges move the same way – taking a dated, English-looking-in-a-boring-way brand in a modern direction. But, to quote Martin Craig, “a rebranding should improve recognition of your beers, not create confusion”. Both the Emerson’s and Townshend’s rebrands kept the same beer names, but improved the look.

But Tuatara is taking a different route. The company is going full-on Prince/ Prince logo.svg, right down to the ‘artist-formerly-known-as-Prince’ bit. The website proudly touts the beers: Mot Eureka Pilsner (known as Bohemian Pislner); Weiz Guy (known as Bavarian Hefe); Helluva Lager (Helles Lager). Ugh. It all got more cringe than a series of the British version of The Office.

If Tuatara wanted a good example of a rebrand done right, they should have checked out ParrotDog’s latest work.

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Exhibit 1: Old dogs

See Exhibit 1. ParrotDog’s name is nice and big, and so are the beer names. But, honestly, who is going to know the difference between a BitterBitch and a DeadCanary if they know almost nothing about brewery?

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Exhibit 2: New tricks

The rebrand still shows all the beers are from ParrotDog, and has the names on the front. But the emphasis is now directly about telling people exactly what they are getting. If I’m ordering for my friends at a pub, I don’t ask “do you want a DeadCanary or BitterBitch?”. I ask if they want a pale ale or an IPA. Why? Because they know what those things are. For me, that has always been the strength of Tuatara’s brand and beer names – they do what they say on the tin/bottle/keg/tap badge.

The fact is, Tuatara has effectively already conceded the rebrand is a stupid idea. On this webpage I keep hyperlinking, they say they are going to “put some stickers on to make sure you can still find your fav!”. (Yes! Your fav! Not your fave!). Pro tip: people are lazy. If they can’t find what they want, their “fav!” they will probably give up and buy some Panhead Supercharger instead.

So why is Tuatara rebranding? Maybe they did some market research. Maybe they got bored. Maybe, as one person close to the industry suggested to me, they wanted to have trademarkable names. Which is rather ironic, as an attempted trademark is what really got Tuatara’s reputation in a bad place this past week.

Tuatara made applications recently with the Intellectual Property Office of New Zealand to trademark all their new beer names – and fair enough. You have to protect your brand early on, or you end up with Radlergate 2.0. While the Society of Beer Advocates has a decent pot of cash lying around, I imagine they have better things to do with it than fight trademark battles for the good of the New Zealand beer scene.

Anyway. It all hit the fan for Tuatara when a former SOBA president tweeted what a few people in the beer industry had figured out/been informed of.

For those that do not know, Amarillo is the name of a hop variety. I have had a go at people trying to trademark hop varieties before. That ended well, with the brewer withdrawing the trademark application. And I can forgive them, because they were being benignly ignorant. But Tuatara engaged the services of AJ Park, an intellectual property law firm, to make their applications.

(Now, I have a soft spot for lawyers. I see them every day undertaking stressful work, like bail applications. Some lawyers simply do not do their job well enough, and end up shocked when they get told their client has 20 previous convictions for breach of bail. But then there are the ones who open their submissions with “I have been instructed to apply for bail”. They know it is a lost cause before they have started. In legal parlance, it is referred to as ‘throwing yourself at the mercy of the court’.)

Things went rather predictably. People got angry, social media got a bit feral, and Tuatara backed down, withdrawing the Amarillo application. They also withdrew the application they had made for Tomahawk – another hop variety – despite nobody getting up in arms about that, so kudos to Tuatara where kudos be due.

But the heat is still being applied.

Yes, Tuatara are trying to trademark Kapai for kAPAi. The issue is Aotearoa Breweries – you know them better as Mata – has made a beer called Kapai for quite some time.

The best thing Tuatara can do about the Kapai situation is withdraw its application. Mata had its Kapai first, and even manged to get its trademark application in a few hours in front of Tuatara’s. It’s just the nice thing to do, ya know?

And if Tuatara is worried about anything – the cost, the need to find another name and/or design, or whatever – then its bosses should look towards one of its major competitors: Moa.

Moa has undertaken a media campaign for the launch of its first canned product, a session pale ale. And the cans look great!

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But remember back when Moa initially wanted to call the product Paradise Pale Ale, despite the fact McLeod’s had the trademark on Paradise? Well guess what? The session pale ale is not called Paradise. There was a bit of social media beef about it at the time, but it appears Moa and McLeod’s sorted things out.

I believe New Zealand’s beer industry is made up of people who, by and large, what to work together to create a “rising tide raises all boats” environment. Tuatara is one of the biggest boats out there, firing great products out at a very competitive price point. But doing stupid things – stupid is the only word I think sums it up properly – undermines the great work Tuatara does. It makes them look silly, and makes people say silly things about them.

Further reading:

*Moa’s cans fit well with its move away from the myopic misogyny they were famed for, to a friendlier ‘outdoorsy’ look. Graphic designer Todd Wilson was behind the move, which was featured on Design Assembly recently. His CV reads much like most New Zealand freelance journalists’ – work for company, leave company, get freelance contract with that company.

*I wish Shane Cowlishaw would spend less time walking around decommissioned prisons and more time writing about beer. I also wish for world peace, a 1960s Fender Bass VI and a fridge full of Hallertau Funkonnay magnums, but none of that is happening anytime soon. Anyway, his recent piece on New Zealand brewery rebrands is a good read.

*If Martin Townshend is thinking about another rebrand, (by my calculation, it would be his fifth), this student submission into the Best Design Awards looks sharp.

Soundtrack:

*Het played their debut set at Palmerston North all-ages venue The Stomach recently. The debut album provides an excellent soundtrack to morning dog walks, cooking tofu, and punching through writer’s block.

Beervana nirvana: the outtakes

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So you may have seen I got shouted a trip to Wellington to write a preview article about Beervana. Yes, it was all paid for. Yes, it was fun. Yes, I had to write an article for work in exchange for all the free stuff. Call it ‘sponsored content’ or ‘a famil’ or ‘a junket’ or ‘a perk of the job’ – it is what it is.

But I had so much more I wanted to write about than I could fit in 2000 words. Heck, I’m surprised they ran the full 2000 words in the newspaper. I figured some of the stuff was too interesting to keep to myself, so I’ve decided to put it all here. Think of this like the outtakes from a Jackie Chan movie, but with far less swearing, fewer broken bones, not as many laughs, and no one getting paid.

*Go to Salt and Wood Collective. Eat the brisket. But be different –  match it with something Belgian. I’m sure North End head brewer Kieran Haslett-Moore will love you for it.

*A conversation with Kelly Ryan of Fork Brewing is always a good time, especially when he starts geeking out about beer. Our chat started (over a pint of his D.R.A.F.T ) with the sour beer explosion. He reckons we’ve only scratched the surface of what brewers will do with sour styles. “It took people a long time to make a good IPA in a lot of countries. The same thing is happening with sour beers. We’ve probably all had the experience when they’ve not been what we thought they would be when we brewed them. It’s a road of discovery.”

It was also a great chance to try his Tainted Love and Yogurt & Bruseli side-by-side, and have him talk about about how different kinds of acids (citric in the former, lactic in the latter) and alcoholic strength impacts how sour beer is perceived on the palate. I couldn’t get over how much more face-puckering Tainted Love was, even though Yogurt & Bruseli has a lower pH.

We had a good yarn about how science can seem a bit dull to high school students, until they know what you can actually do with it (e.g. make crazy beer). Science was always a bore me in high school, hence why I dropped it as soon as I could to gain more time in the music department – although I did sit maths all the way to Year 13/Form 7. But having someone like Kelly, who studied food technology, come along and speak about applied science could have seen me take a completely different career path. It is something he appeared passionate about and keen to do, but he doubts schools would ever let him go in to talk about his job due to the societal stigma around anything involving both alcohol and young people.

*Want an awesome black IPA? Go to Black Dog and get a pint of the latest batch of Pango Kuri. They call it an American stout, but the glass I had while paying them a visit was hoppy as fuck.

*Have you seen ParrotDog’s branding recently? Their products now pop off the shelf like zits on the end of a nose. I thought their RareBird series looked great, but they went next level with the Flora range. However, it is the tweak of the core beers which left me the most impressed. A few simple touches (swapping the position of the style & beer names around, the plain white background, making things simpler) made the bottles easier to read, easier to see and more attractive to the eye. 

Oh, and the beer is tasting awesome. I still can’t get over how big their mini-APA ClippedWing feels. I wasn’t surprised when Wattie Watson said it had been sent away for testing by the judges at the AIBAs after taking out best in class. The results came back at exactly 3.5 per cent ABV.

*Go to Tuatara Brewing. Do the beer and cheese matching. Ask for the match they do with Sauvinova.

*I knew almost nothing about Duncan’s before I paid company overlord George Duncan a visit at his house in Raumati Beach. Sure, I had seen his beers on the shelf at my local bottle shop, but I had never even picked them up before. But I’ll be drinking those beers much more often now, if only because George is one of the coolest people I met on the trip. He just had this infectious laid-back excitement about everything. It’s hard to explain, and probably experienced best in person.

His story from student to contract brewer is a bit of a random ride. “I was studying music at Vic and needed and extra paper to complete my degree. So I took on a first-year chemistry paper. A bio-chemistry friend tutored me, and he was also a beer brewer.”

A year living in Canada, and some quick stops over the border into the USA, showed him just what beer could be. “I was into beer before going to North America, but drinking craft beer there really got me into it.”

The Raumati Social Club soon heard he was making beer at home, and invited him to put a keg on. So, two years ago, he put down his first brew at Massey University’s brewery in Palmerston North. From there, he has contracted at various locations, with his latest batches of pilsner and pale ale brewed at mike’s in Taranaki (although how long that will last is anyone’s guess at the moment).

Brewing fits in perfectly with George’s ethos of making things and sharing them with people, and his love of keeping busy. He works in construction, runs Duncan’s, home brews, writes music, renovates his house, cooks meals for all his mates and makes his own charcuterie. Others would call that really bloody busy, but he just laughs it off with his trademarkable massive grin.

“I’m the sort of person who just likes doing lots of stuff.”